Holding My Tongue

I am finding as I get closer and closer to May 31st, that glorious day of days,  I have a harder time not speaking my mind.

I'm mean, I've always been honest. I try not to be mean about it, and if I am, I always get permission first.

i.e. Them: "Hey Mandie, what do you think of the guy that I'm dating?"
Me: "Do you want me to lie, or to tell the truth?"
Them: "Tell the truth."
Me: "Do you want me to tell the truth in a soft sugar coated way, or like I usually do?"
Them: "Like you usually do."
Me: "Ok."
And then I state my opinion. But it's not like "I hate him and think that he should burn in the fires of everlasting hell." Just a nice way of saying that I think he's stupid. Or super attractive. But usually the former. It's true of most high school boys.

Anyway, that example happened months ago. I'm talking about the present.

My facial expressions. They give me away. I always thought that I was good about hiding how I feel, but nowadays? Not so much. Today this girl mentioned this guy who bugs the living daylights out of me. Nobody knows this, because I am good at overlooking the things about people that bug the living daylights out of me. But she mentioned him and my nose crinkled up and I looked disgusted, and said, "Ohhh." In a disgusted way.

I fixed it when she looked at me shocked and horrified. But the damage was done.

And when people are annoying and I have something sardonic to say, I just say it. And I don't even realize that I'm saying it until people around me look appalled. It's actually getting on my nerves.

I always liked that about myself. If I slightly don't like you, or sometimes you annoy me, you will never know. Well, apparently not! Because now my mouth is unhinged and my face is being freely expressive. Darn, it is so frustrating.

Today, this other girl was talking about how she didn't want to be in high school anymore and she would just leave. And I don't know why this bothered me, because I do it all the time, and others do too, but this time. Oh, cheese grater against my soul. So what did I say? "Good. Nobody wants you here anyway. Goodbye and good riddance." Luckily I said it quietly enough in the loud environment that she didn't hear. Nor did anyone else really, hopefully.

So that's what's been happening this week. Sorry if I say something rude to you. Which, if you actually read this, I probably won't. Cause if you take the time to pay attention to this feeble little blog of mine, you probably actually slightly care about how I feel, and that is not annoying.

Also, I have to tell you a story about the mock disaster. I will try to remember.

The end. I am just sitting here waiting impatiently for my Pottermore account activation e-mail to be sent and received, but it hasn't happened in 2 hours, so I doubt it will happen anytime soon. So I might as well go to bed and try to catch up on all my lost sleep.

Good night internet!

Signing out,
Mandie